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A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
…
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
These are some of the words from a Simon and Garfunkel song. This is the poetry of loneliness-at the same time, a desperate denial of the human need for relationship and a mournful acknowledgement of the human vulnerability to relationship.
Human beings are not rocks, as much as we might sometimes wish we were. We are not designed that way. We are designed for relationship. We are designed for relationship with God and with one another. Because we are designed for relationship, relationships have the power to tear us down. Because we are designed for relationship, it is through relationships that we are built up. You are not a rock. I am not a rock. David was not a rock.
During his wilderness years, David learned the poetry of loneliness. He could have turned into a rock, but he didn't.
In the end, David cried…for Saul, his king, and for Jonathan, his friend. In the end, David was still fully alive…in body and in spirit…alive enough to feel pain, alive enough to cry…alive enough still not to be a rock.
You have heard of David. David was the shepherd boy who defeated Goliath. He was the greatest king Israel ever had. He was known as 'a man after God's own heart.'
If this is not the first time you have heard me preach, then you know Saul. Saul was the first king of Israel. He was king before David. He stood a head taller than anyone else in Israel. He was a great warrior, but God ultimately rejected him as king. He was the first and the last of his royal line.
Do you know Jonathan? Jonathan was Saul's son and heir-apparent. Jonathan was also a great warrior, brave and resourceful. While David was still a teenager tending his father's sheep, Jonathan was a young man gaining fame for his exploits against Israel's arch-enemies, the Philistines.
At one point in time Saul and his troops were camped in a place called Gibeah. The Philistine army was camped at a place called Micmash, and it sent raiding parties out from there. The Israelite army-already inferior to the Philistine army in technology and numbers-was dwindling as men scattered. Some men deserted to places unknown. Some even defected to the Philistines. Only six hundred men were with Saul in Gibeah.
Jonathan took matters into his own hands. Taking only his armor-bearer with him, he crossed over to the Philistine outpost. He approached their camp deliberately and in full view. He even drew laughter and derision from the men in the outpost who anticipated teaching this arrogant Israelite a lesson. They never got that chance. Jonathan and his armor-bearer killed twenty men and the whole Philistine army was thrown into chaos. The rest of the Israelite army joined the battle, and that day the Philistines were routed.
Throughout Saul's reign as king, Jonathan was at his side-his father's confidant in the challenges of leadership and his companion in battle.
Jonathan was with Saul when the Israelite army met the Philistine army at the Valley of Elah. He was there when Goliath came out to challenge the Israelites. He saw Goliath's size and armor and weaponry. He heard every taunt. Like Saul and every other Israelite soldier, Jonathan wanted no part of Goliath.
The day that David killed Goliath, he made an enemy…Saul…and he made a friend…Jonathan. The enmity of Saul shaped David's life. The friendship of Jonathan saved David's life.
The difference between the way that Saul responded to David and the way that Jonathan responded to David is remarkable. Both Saul and Jonathan had suffered the humiliating taunts of Goliath for weeks on end. Both Saul and Jonathan saw the teenage shepherd boy defeat Goliath with nothing more than a sling and a stone. Both Saul and Jonathan recognized the potential for greatness in David. Saul responded with hatred. Jonathan responded with love. Saul saw a rival. Jonathan saw a kindred spirit.
The Bible says that after the Goliath incident, Jonathan "became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." Jonathan saw the hand of God in David's life. On that very day, Jonathan made a covenant with David; that is, they bound themselves to one another in a bond of friendship. On that very day, Jonathan took symbolic action to acknowledge the future that he saw for David. He took off his robe-his prince's robe-and gave it to David. He took his tunic-his prince's tunic-and he gave it to David. He took off his sword, his bow, and his belt, and he gave them to David.
Jonathan saw that David was chosen by God to be the next king. Jonathan did not hesitate to relinquish the role that lineage would otherwise have brought to him. He did this, not because he was intimidated by David, but because he loved him. He did this, not because he was weak, but because he did not look only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.
Saul also saw that David was chosen by God to be the next king. Saul was intimidated, and he saw David as a threat. He became determined to eliminate that threat.
The enmity of Saul shaped David's life. Because of the enmity of Saul, David spent the better part of his 20s on the run, dodging Saul's murderous paranoia. Because of the enmity of Saul, David trekked in the wilderness, learning about himself, learning about others, and learning about God. Because of the enmity of Saul, David was tested to his limits, tempted to become paranoid himself, tempted to become bitter, tempted to seek revenge, tempted to despair. Because of the enmity of Saul, David learned the poetry of loneliness.
The friendship of Jonathan saved David's life. Jonathan intervened on more than one occasion to protect David from Saul's murderous intentions. When David finally fled for good into the wilderness, it was Jonathan who made it possible for him to escape. The friendship of Jonathan did more than keep David's body intact, however. The friendship of Jonathan kept David's spirit intact too. Because of the friendship of Jonathan, David did not become a rock.
Chapter 23 of 1 Samuel tells of the only encounter we know of between David and Jonathan after David took to the hills. Saul was out with his army, pursuing David yet again. Jonathan found a way to visit his friend. Listen to the way the Bible describes this visit:
"While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 'Don't be afraid,' he said, 'My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.' The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh." (1 Samuel 23:15-18)
Once again, Jonathan looked not to his own interests, but to the interests of others. Jonathan did this, not out of weakness, but out of friendship. Jonathan went to David when he was down and helped him find strength in God.
The plan was for David to be king, and for Jonathan to be his second-in-command. What a combination that would have been! But it was not to be. There is no record of Jonathan and David ever seeing one another again.
Some years later Jonathan fell in battle with the Philistines. Saul died the same day, falling on his own sword when defeat was inevitable.
David, who in his lifetime would become well-acquainted with grief, grieved in earnest when he heard the news. David composed a song of lament that day. It is recorded in chapter 1 of 2 Samuel. I will read a few parts of it:
"Your glory, O Israel, lies slain on your heights. How the mighty have fallen! … Saul and Jonathan-in life they were loved and gracious, and in death they were not parted. They were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions. … How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women. …" (2 Samuel 1:19, 23, 25-26)
The friendship between David and Jonathan is the greatest one-on-one friendship in the Bible. Jonathan's friendship was life-giving for David.
Jonathan did not envy David (or feel threatened by him) but rejoiced in his successes.
How often in the world do we encounter people who are only too ready to tear us down, to make much of our failures and to make light of our successes? How often in the world do we end up dwelling on our failures and allowing them to shape our sense of who we are? How often in the world do we dismiss our successes, perceiving them to be momentary flukes in a pattern of failure? This is what the world wants us to do. We need a friend who will help us learn from and shrug off our failures. We need a friend who will celebrate our successes and remind us that we have potential. Most of all we need a friend who will point again and again to the hand of God in our lives and reassure us that we are part of a plan that is bigger than us.
Jonathan refused to betray David, and instead came to his aid again and again.
Every betrayal we experience hardens us. Every elementary school taunt, every parental put-down, every harsh word from our spouse, every trap laid by an enemy makes us more and more rock-like. We need a friend who will remain loyal and trustworthy through it all, someone who will create for us a safe space for our hard places to become soft again, someone who will make the risk of friendship worthwhile. Most of all we need a friend who will point us again and again to the trustworthiness of God.
It's worth noting that loyalty to David was costly to Jonathan and difficult. Jonathan loved David and was determined to be loyal to him. Jonathan also loved his father Saul and was determined to be loyal to him. Navigating these conflicting loyalties was not easy. Again and again, Jonathan felt the heat of his father's anger because of his loyalty to his friend. I believe the grace that David showed Jonathan was life-giving to Jonathan in this regard. David never demanded that Jonathan choose between him and his father. In this regard, David was the friend who created safe space for Jonathan.
When David was close to despair, Jonathan was his encourager. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul refers to his friend Philemon as one who 'refreshes the heart.' Jonathan was a friend who refreshed the heart.
How easy is it to isolate ourselves when the world is dark and our hearts are low? How easy is it for despair to feed on despair and grow? We need a friend who will come to us in the darkness and bring us the light of hope. We need someone to refresh our hearts.
Jonathan looked not only to his own interests but also to the interests of his friend, David.
Earlier I called the friendship between David and Jonathan the greatest one-on-one friendship in the Bible. There is one other friendship in the Bible that is even greater-the friendship between Jesus and his disciples.
Wherever Jesus went, crowds-sometimes of thousands-sought him out. Jesus made himself available to the crowds.
Even as he traveled, a large group of men and women traveled with him-some for just a while, some for a long time. Jesus appreciated all who followed. Many of the women are even recognized by name in Scripture.
Still, Jesus had a small group of men who were his closest friends. Scripture calls them the Twelve. Through all the highs and lows of his earthly ministry, he held these men close. They saw him teaching and preaching and healing. They saw him hungry and tired and angry and in anguish. They were his friends.
In chapter 15 of the Gospel of John, Jesus says these amazing words to the Twelve: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Then Jesus goes on to say even more amazing words: "You are my friends."
Jesus, the Son of God, the one sent into the world to lay down his life so that others might live…Jesus looks straight into the eyes of Peter and Andrew and James and John and the others and says, "You are my friends. … I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made know to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you."
These words are not only for the Twelve. These words are for all of his disciples. These words are for all who follow Jesus. These words are for us.
What a friend we have in Jesus!
Jesus is a friend who is not threatened by us. He does not envy us. His desire is for us to become all that we can possibly be. In him, our potential is unlimited.
Jesus' friendship is trustworthy. His promise is as powerful today as it ever was: "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Jesus' is the source of all encouragement and hope. Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. The old life is gone. A new life has begun!
Jesus laid down his life for us.
In the words of Philippians chapter 2: Jesus, "being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in the appearance of a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and one earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the gory of God the Father."
What a friend we have in Jesus!
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