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Self-esteem gets a whole lot of attention in our culture these days.
Just for the fun of it, I googled the word "self-esteem" and came up with 18,400,000 matches. (No, I didn't do anything indecent. For those of you who don't spend much time on the internet, Google is what's called a search engine. You can type in any word or phrase you can think of and in a second Google will give you a list of just about every web page anywhere that mentions that topic.) Google found 18,400,000 matches for the word "self-esteem".
I also googled the word "humility." Just over 10,000,000 matches. I find it interesting that "self-esteem" drew almost twice as many matches as "humility."
Also, just for the fun of it, I searched amazon.com for books and other things that have to do with self-esteem. My favorite item is the "BMV Quantum Subliminal CD: Self-Confidence Self-Esteem Mind Program with Brainwave Entrainment Technology and Ultrasonic Ultra-Silent Subliminal Programming". Just read the name of the CD ten times fast and that should improve your self-esteem.
By the way, self-esteem and humility are neither opposite nor contradictory. In fact, healthy self-esteem-biblical self-esteem-grows out of a true sense of humility. Healthy humility-biblical humility-does not require low self-esteem; it requires properly grounded self-esteem. Self-esteem, properly grounded, finds its origin not in the self, but in God.
I've listened to and talked with a lot of people who have low self-esteem. It's a huge problem. It's a common problem.
If you wanted to be cynical, you could say that "self-esteem" gets twice as much attention on the internet than "humility" because our society is so narcissistic. Our society is so self-focused and self-centered. In our society, it's all about me, me, me.
Or you could look at it another way. Maybe "self-esteem" has 18 million matches because so many people in our society are suffering from low self-esteem and are desperate for some kind of help from somewhere. Our society does a lot to beat people up, to remind people that they don't measure up.
People who feel like they don't measure up frequently continue the cycle by making sure somebody else feels like they measure up even less. Anybody who has a little less power can become the target of people who are trying to make themselves feel a little better by knocking somebody else down a peg or two. Bosses do it to employees. Husbands do it to their wives, or the other way around. Parents do it to kids. Kids do it to each other.
Have you ever listened to the way teenagers talk to each other? Even teenagers who claim to be friends verbally tear each other down almost constantly. I'm not talking gentle teasing and occasional sarcasm. I'm talking constant verbal bashing. I've asked a few of them about it. It doesn't really mean anything, they tell me, it's just part of the culture. I don't buy it. I think it does mean something. Relationships built on mutual encouragement build people up. Relationships built on mutual disrespect and degradation tear down people who are already torn down.
Most advertising out there is about getting people to notice how they aren't as glamorous or cool or smart or happy or sexy as somebody else so that they will then want to buy some product that will help them feel more glamorous or cool or smart or happy or sexy. People who can't buy it are reminded of how they don't measure up. People who do buy it are lured onto the next level, constantly reminded that they need to buy something more to catch up to the people in the ads who are still more glamorous or cool or smart or happy or sexy.
One way in our culture to prop up self-esteem is by tearing others down. It doesn't work; it just brings everybody down. Another way to prop up self-esteem is to buy stuff. That doesn't work either, even if you have money to buy things, because no matter how much stuff you get, there's always something else that you don't have.
Another way is to base self-esteem on an inherent sense of worthiness. You should feel good about yourself because there is something good about you. This certainly seems a more positive approach than buying stuff or tearing others down. But even this approach doesn't work…not for everybody, and not for long.
Self-esteem based on my own sense of worthiness is fragile. It only works as long as I feel worthy. What happens when I find out I'm not as good at something as somebody else is? What happens when I do something that is downright unworthy-like lie or cheat or steal or say something cruel to someone else or drown my depression in alcohol or fall into a situation or behavior that leaves me feeling ashamed or guilty? When I am unworthy, am I also worthless?
In the church this approach to self-esteem sounds something like this: You should feel good about yourself because there is something good about you, and this is the something good-you are created in the image of God.
That's a good start. You are created in the image of God, and that is certainly something to feel good about. More needs to be said, though. If this is the sole basis for self-esteem, it's still fragile. Because eventually I'm going to notice that the image of God in me is marred, damaged, and distorted. Pretending that this is not the case is just going to tie me up in knots of denial and self-delusion; it's not going to be a solid basis for self-esteem. There needs to be something more.
Is there something more? We Christians like to talk a lot about the good news of Jesus Christ. Well, then, what does the good news of Jesus Christ have to say to all those people in our society who are suffering from low self-esteem and are desperate for help?
It is not enough to pat people on the back and say, "Aw, you're not so bad. Feel good about yourself because you are created in the image of God." Too many people out there are convinced that they are bad-image of God or no image of God. They need something more. The good news of Jesus Christ has more.
What the good news of Jesus Christ has to say is this: Your worth is not based on how many other people you can step on to raise yourself up. Your worth is not based on the stuff you buy. And, your worth is not based on your worthiness.
What the good news of Jesus Christ has to say is this: There is good news in unworthiness. Yes, you heard that right. There is good news in unworthiness.
Listen to what the Apostle Paul says about worthiness in his Letter to the Romans: "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away; they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes." (Romans 3:9-18) By the way, Paul didn't make this stuff up; these are all quotes from other parts of the Bible.
I've listened to a lot of people pour out their stories of self-hatred and their shame at their own unworthiness. Sometimes they want me to reassure them that they are not unworthy. Sometimes they just expect me to reassure them that they are not unworthy. I don't. I listen. I ask questions. If their self-perception is totally out of whack with reality, I try to help them see that. When the time is right, I tell them they are right-they are unworthy. So am I. Here's the good news. Your worth is not based on your worthiness. God loves you because of who he is, not because of who you are. And God loves you enough to change your life and give you life.
Listen to what Paul says just a little bit farther on in his Letter to the Romans: "But now a righteousness from God…has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood."
None of us is worthy. God loves us anyway, not because of who we are but because of who he is. Because God loves us, he would rather die than lose us. So Jesus did die, so that all who have faith in him are right with God even though they are unworthy. Even though we are unworthy, we are worth everything to God. What is unworthy about us is not cast in stone-it is not the last word-because God loves us enough to change our lives and to give us life.
You are not worth something because you are worthy.
You are worth everything because God declares it to be so in his Word and shows it to be so through Christ Jesus.
Whether you are the one who steps on others or the one who gets stepped on, you are worth everything because God declares it to be so in his Word and shows it to be so through Christ Jesus.
Whether you have a lot of stuff or hardly any stuff at all, you are worth everything because God declares it to be so in his Word and shows it to be so through Christ Jesus.
Whether you are good and lovable and respectable according to the world's standards or you are a shameful, no-good, low down good-for-nothing according to the world's standards, you are worth everything because God declares it to be so in his Word and shows it to be so through Christ Jesus.
We are all unworthy. Still, we are worth everything to God. Entrance into God's family is by grace, through faith. It is not from ourselves, it is the gift of God. It is not by works, so that no one can boast. We will engage in good works, not because we are worthy and not to make us worthy, but because that is what God has prepared us to do.
In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul is not writing to those who have not yet heard the good news; he's writing to believers. Believers are called to good works, but to be most faithful and most effective in those good works, we believers need to remember that we are not worthy, and we need to remember the good news of unworthiness. It is the good news of unworthiness that keeps all our efforts towards good works grounded in grace…both the receiving of grace and the giving of grace.
One example-consider our Lord's command to us-not suggestion, command-to forgive. Forgiving someone who has wronged us means releasing the debt, entirely, whether he deserves it or not. True forgiveness is given as a gift. It incurs no further debt. (The question of accountability is a separate question. The question of reconciliation is a separate question. I'm just talking about unilateral forgiveness.) On your own interior balance sheet, the one forgiven no longer owes you anything for the wrong he did to you. Neither does he owe you a debt for your generous gift of forgiveness. The one who forgives does not place themselves above the one who has been forgiven in any way.
This type of forgiveness is close to impossible for human beings. We need the Spirit of God to work within us to make this type of forgiveness happen. It sure helps if we can remember how much God has forgiven us even though, apart from Christ, we are unworthy of his forgiveness.
The good news of unworthiness, combined with the good news of God's grace in Jesus Christ, frees us to forgive.
Another example-believers are called to worship God with awe and reverence. Our God is a holy God, awesome and mighty beyond compare. Our God is also a loving God, whose mercy is amazing and whose promise to be with us always is amazingly comforting. There can be a temptation to separate God's amazing love from his awesome holiness. When we do that God starts to look a lot like a doting grandfather or a cuddly teddy bear. He is neither of those things.
When we acknowledge that the grace and mercy we have received from God is truly undeserved, that he is holy and we are not apart from the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, then we can be free to love God and to give God the glory and reverence that he deserves.
We are exhorted always to be ready to give an account of the hope that is within us. Why is that so hard for many of us? Is it that we still don't see, or that we never really thought we were blind? Is it that we still are not free, or that we never really noticed that we were in bondage? Is that we still know nothing of healing, or that we have persisted in the denial that we were ever broken? Is it that we don't celebrate God's mercy, or that we never fell face down before the God of the universe thoroughly humbled by the depth of our need for his mercy? Is it that we don't know what it means to be alive in Christ, or that we never really noticed that we were dead in our sin? Is it that we have not placed our hope in Christ who is the beginning and end of all things, or is it that we never quite let go of the hope that we once placed in ourselves?
Once we have fallen face down before our holy and righteous God thoroughly humbled by the depth of our unworthiness, then our hearts are freed to be filled with the passion and compassion of God. As long as we cling to some shred of dignity that is based on our own worthiness, then we have to guard that shred of dignity. We cannot identify too closely with those who are full of shame, because their shame might tarnish our dignity. We can pity the broken, but not suffer with them (which is what compassion means) because we fear that our dignity might suffer. We can be passionate about that which props up our dignity in the world, but we cannot throw our dignity to the wind and be passionate about those whose dignity has been trampled in the world.
Once my dignity is based solely on the worth God assigns to me in Christ, totally unlinked to my own worthiness, then I am free to stand with the lost, the broken, the trampled, the shameful, and the unlovable, to suffer with them, and to share with them the good news-they are loved by God, not because of who they are but because of who God is; they can receive the full benefit of God's mercy, not because they are worthy but because God would rather die than lose them; their lives can be changed; their lives can be made new...by the grace of God, through faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Thanks be to God. Amen.
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